I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
