Just mADE A PArabola og urine
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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