hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
