I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
