get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's never too late to be topless.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
