You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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