everyone is single if you try hard enough
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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