I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
