How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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