Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize