I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
