At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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