He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
