how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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