What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
