i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize