she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize