Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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