you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
