fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
