i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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