I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Non-Jews are for practice
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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