I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
