Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
