I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Im part way to drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
