At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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