Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
