i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
