ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
