I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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