Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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