I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
