a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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