im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
being pregnant is like rehab
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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