I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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