are you still at the devil's house?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
