i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
