Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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