I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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