We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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