Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
