I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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