im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
