i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
even my farts smell like vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
