i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
