I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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