Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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