Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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