watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
