Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
