I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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