then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
