Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
