My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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