I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
