i jhust puked up my retainher.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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