yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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