I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
