wakey wakey hands off snakey
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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