in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize