She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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