im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
