don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize