Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
