Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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