Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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