He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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