i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
