Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
