so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
