I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
