miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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