I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My liver just had a heart attack.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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