He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
