I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
