I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
