So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
