She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
