This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
