i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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