he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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