I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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