i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
