Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
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