My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Success! We fucked roommates!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
