I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
