My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
