when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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