Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize