I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
