apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
