Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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