Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
