We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
