does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
