i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
