Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
