I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize