today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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