I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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