he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
