I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
