Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
