i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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