I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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