smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a hot homeless man
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
