I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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