I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
