why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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