Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
