hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
