I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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