We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
