so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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